he's just a plaything

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God I love the world.

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Ways to Annoy People

1. Pay tolls with 100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
15. Bite your dentist's finger
16. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
18. Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads
19. Don't stand during hymns and anthems
20. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
21. Tell people they have bad breath
22. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
23. Flirt with a friend's spouse
24. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
25. Shake with your left hand
26. Use the quote bunnies after every other word you say when talking to someone.
27. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
28. Drum on every available surface.
29. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
30. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
31. Honk and wave to strangers.
32. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
33. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
34. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
40. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.